You told your closest friend, whom you’re going on an eight-hour road trip to see today, that she should expect a conversation about some of the things that have been on your mind—
Namely, that you think you’ve been unknowingly depressed for some time, and that you think you might have gained some insight into your sexuality!
And, after the call ended, you took a look at yourself through Freudian glasses.
At once, a theory stood up:
While you have yet to delve into your heterosexual identity this clearly, the dust you’ve been kicking up over your homosexual identity may have settled down just enough for you to make something out.
Your father verbally and emotionally abused you when you were young. He made a repeated effort to have you feel inferior to him, and was constantly asserting his dominance and you. The extent to which he would go to make the point of his fatherhood over you, his egocentric, male superiority, was ludicrous. There was little difference in your understanding between being a son to your father and being the victim of his bullying.
You aren’t trying to be melodramatic. It’s just the facts of the matter.
And whether you’re melodramatic or not, lining your present up beside your past draws some noteworthy parallels.
In summary, from the evidence (and not very good evidence, you should remember) of your memories combined with your recent conclusions, you have begun to think that (perhaps) you are so fine-tuned to emotional challenges and so fine-tuned to sexual challenges—with considerable overlap between them—because your identity as a male was shaped in an environment of continual emotional and sexual challenge by your father. And during the onset of puberty, any upset or tension was easily translated into libidinal fire.
In summary of your summary, you’re a guy with daddy issues.
And honestly, you think that’s pretty funny.